please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
