# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
