Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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