he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
