You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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