Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
