Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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