Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
