I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
