I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
