I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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