I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
