My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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