its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My pussy is not your playground.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
