I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
