ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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