I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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