I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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