Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
