Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
