Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pants are for mortals
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