just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
