Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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