my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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