I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
