guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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