Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
