i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My feet surprised me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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