textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
