I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize