i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
