Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
