I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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