I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
