its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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