all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
