Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
