I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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