I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
