The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
