rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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