I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize