Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
