I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Of course I have a pirate flag
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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