you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Randomize
