It's like a parade of train wrecks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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