i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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