the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
