i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
