Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
