she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize