It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
