She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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