She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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