some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
