Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
