Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
