I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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