Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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