omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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