What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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