I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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