People in love make me want to vomit
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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