Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
