You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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