I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
