I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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