I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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