he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
