Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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