help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
