I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
