some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
