carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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