Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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