she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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