woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
