ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
