I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
