just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize