I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
