Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
