You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize