Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize