Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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