OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
