if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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