YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
