ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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