I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
