Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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