i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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