Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
